Okay, I admit it. I’m a little fish in a really big pond. My Mama had warned me there would be days I would live to regret decisions I have made, and there have been times I’ve hit that point. This would be one of those times. Take me for instant. Simple Country Gal living in a man’s world of technology, trying to prove that I can do as well, if not better, than some of my male counter parts. Wasn’t getting anywhere, and decided I’d hit my mid-life crisis a bit early and made the biggest decision of my life. I jumped from one little pond, to one gigantic one, quickly wanting to expand my horizons and hit the big time. I made a huge splash that’s for sure. I quickly became a fish out of water. I found out so much along the way. Join me in the journey to discovery.
I quickly jumped into my new life of fun and excitement by exploring my surroundings. There are many (and I do mean many) differences between people in a big city and folks in a rural town. I feel that living in a big city gives you a certain amount of anonymous living that a small town does not. You can literally hide in a big city, seen without being seen is what truly seems to be happening. Walking into a store in a rural area you meet ninety percent of the folks you know. As you are aware, this doesn’t happen in a big city. People don’t know you, and unfortunately I’ve found they are often wrapped in the own little world, surrounded by a cocoon of their own making.
Kinda reminds me of if I don’t see you, I don’t have to acknowledge you, or even worse, the “I don’t know you, and I don’t want to know you, and I simply do not care”. Good, bad or indifferent, I believe we are all a product of our environment.
Imagine, someone from a small, middle of nowhere town, who literally lived there their entire life, suddenly wakes up one day to find themselves right smack dab in the middle of a large city. I’ve always considered myself a pretty good person, I love people, enjoy meeting new friends, not the least bit shy, but I still am struggling to get the swing of the ‘big town’ groove. Trying to adjust and find some like minded folks, has been the biggest challenge I’ve faced in my short forty years of life. You read that right, I feel that I bang my head against walls trying to find human interaction.
When you move to a small town, folks are interested in getting to know you, where you’re from, who you are related to, and most important, why are you here. Basically, how did you get from point A to point B and what made you make the decision. I explain it best this way: “basically small town folks want to know everything about you, including the color and brand of toilet paper you use, give us the mini-history lesson of your life.”
City folks, well, they want to move in their circles. They have their own little cities built and it’s hard to break into those ‘cliques’. I feel like I’m trying to break into Fort Knox. Now don’t get me wrong, people in my ‘big’ city world are very nice and very polite. Some will go a bit beyond that, and help you when and where they can. Most however, have their own little sand box and you just aren’t invited to play. Man, what did I do?
I guess it comes down to, what exactly do we want and need out of life? What are our purposes/goals, and what do we wish to obtain? I guess I think that when we’ve reached the end of the road and have had our final journey, I would hope I’ve made some kind of impact in someone’s life.
I think about the past and as I move toward the future I wonder where I’m going. I know when I made this change; I did it to grown and to learn. I’ve got more confidence in myself than I’ve ever had in my life. I realize I can go anywhere and I can do anything if I set my mind to it. All my life I’ve always had doubt. I’ve always wondered, what would have happened if I had moved like I had always planned to do.
This link I found on a journal while reading my friendsfriends journals. (I do this occasionally and sometimes find new friends). Anyway ... this is a wonderful/awesome website for individuals who have been abused in any form.Angela Shelton
Basically she set out to film a movie called "Finding Angela Shelton", where she rented an RV and with a staff of 4 people, set out to find and interview other individuals who had the name "Angela Shelton". There were 76 women with that name, but out of the 32 who spoke to her, 16 had been molested, raped, or abused in some way or form. That's 50 percent.
She has received tons of letters and emails. There are several videos out there on her site, and one in particular had me crying. It shows her talking to a group in NC, where she invites someone on stage to beat on a chair with a bat. The she encourages the woman to share her story. NC State University Speech
She addressed a Congressional Committee on sexual abuse. DC Speech
Again, I cried because it's so true what she says. If either know someone or have personally be abused.
This woman will make a difference ... with her story ... with her film ... with her website. I encourage you to visit this site and explore it ... share it with others ... it's already making a difference for me ...
Warning, there may be triggers for some individuals. She talks a bit about her abuse, as does the other woman, and she also mentions how she self-abused.
The one thing about her videos that sounded so familiar (and I've watched several so far), is she talks about how people who have been abused also abuse themselves by telling ourselves we are worthless, not worth, ugly, stupid, etc ...
Do you believe in soulmates?
Do you believe everyone has a soulmate?
Do you feel you can have more than one soulmate?
Are you currently with your soulmate?
Do you believe in Destiny?
Do you believe you are led to the person you are meant to be with (ie possible soulmate)?
Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone?
Please send your friends to post in this poll ... I'm just really curious at the results. Thanks.
I'm going back and going through old entries ... it's surprising how many individuals claimed to care so much about me, yet they are no longer in my life. Like ships passing in the night ... I believe everyone comes into your life for a reason ... I think back and wonder about the reasons of some of the individuals who are no longer here.
A couple of them I do miss ... I got really close, and now they're gone ... and this is life ... we meet ... we learn ... we grow ... we learn more ... and we move forward.
I don't regret knowing those who have entered and passed through my life ... and I would hope they don't regret knowing me ... but sometimes I sit and wonder ... how much of an impact we made on each other ... and hopefully mine was a positive impact. There are two individuals whom I still don't understand why they left my life ... I'll always wonder what I've said or done to cause them to move on ... but I'll always wish the best in life for them ... regardless of the fact that they've moved past my current life ... I think of them often. May God always bless them and keep them safe.
Just a general observation ...
A Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
No offense meant, but I've done a friends cut ... and may do more ... no reasons to those whom I've cut ... may you be blessed and loved ... always and forever.
I had this big entry written out in my head ... about all the issues and such going on in my life ... and I thought about it ... and I wondered ... do people really care??? What do individuals care about??? Deep down ... what moves them ... what makes them think ... makes them re-evaluate their priorities ... what makes them dream and hope for positive futures ... what makes them happy ... or sad ...
Why do we live behind a facade (forgive my spelling if it is off ... I'm half asleep here) ... why do we pretend happiness ... when inside we are slowly dying ... why do we give and give of ourselves ... when we really just want to someone to hold to us ... to give us love and attention ...
The forest for the trees ... the trees for the forest ... which ever way you wish to think about it ... sometimes individuals have on rose colored glasses ... and then when they remove those glasses ... they are not happy with what they see ... or what they think ... or even feel ...
We often set goals for ourselves ... where we want to be in a certain number of years ... you know what I mean ... those long term goals ...
When all is said and done ... truly ... what matters most ... is at the end of the day you can sit back ... relax ... and say ... Yeah ... I made a difference ... it was a good day ...
In the long run ... no one will remember anyway ... how you feel or what you think ... sometimes it doesn't matter ... but every once in a while ... you will meet an individual ... that it does matter too ... who truly cares ... who truly wants to know ... understand ... what you think ... what you feel ... what makes you tick ... someone who truly cares ...
Learn to recognize these individuals in your life ... because in the long run ... they are the ones that matter ... those who are truly here for the long haul ... people fall into three basic categories ... acquaintenances ... friends ... and best friends ... you will have a ton of people in the first category ... a few in the second ... and if you are lucky ... TRULY lucky ... you will have one to two in the last category ...
I've been journaling (in this journal) since 2002 in this journal (April 24th to be exact). Before that, I journaled on a journal by the name of midnightkiss (given to me by a friend who is no longer on my journal - whom I miss).
Anyhoo ... since it's been almost 4 years, I'd like to know what ya'll think ... I'm making this entry public AND allowing anonymous posting without IP tracking.
In my journal, what would you like to see? More about Robin's daily doings? More about my past/history? More about my dreams and goals?
Also, what do you REALLY think of me??? Come on, it's confession time! I'm taking a page from wendy
who had a Confessions entry a while back. Tell me a secret, tell me what you think, tell me ANYTHING you wish to tell me ... send your friends, send anyone to this journal.
Talk to me ... post to me ... tell me what you think and feel ... give me your dreams and aspirations ... tell me your deepest secret ... your fears ... the positive ... the negative ... LET IT OUT!!! :D